Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
