If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
