saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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