she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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