she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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