Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
