She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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