id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
