U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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