cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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