It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No I am not eating basil off your cock
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
