Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
