Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
