Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
