I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
