U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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