It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
