i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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