wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
