That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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