i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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