Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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