i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Green mimosas i think yes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
