I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
