he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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