That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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