I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
