Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
