My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't think brook has ever known best
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
