it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
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i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
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i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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