Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
