i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
