You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
