So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
