you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
