meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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