I wish I only lived at night.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
