it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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