It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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