Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
