She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
