After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
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I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
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You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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