I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
