She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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