I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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