you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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