It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
