I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
