oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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