I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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