I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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