I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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