people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
