I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
