Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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