omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
