Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
