I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
