There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
