i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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