Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
