Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize