Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
