Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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