I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
