I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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