i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
