My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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