would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
