i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
