1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
