How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
