my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
