I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
