i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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