my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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