dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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